All -- When will you EVER stop asking when my dissertation will be done? The answer is when I am good and f-ing ready...
Grandpa -- when will you realize that I know you've never actually read the copy of uber-cousin-in-law's dissertation he gave you to suck up, and if you don't stop telling me about it, you'll have it shoved up your 87 year-old ass.... just a warning old man. Just for the record, when hubby and I finish ours, we'll pay ANY amount of money and eat mac and cheese for a month so we can send you a bound copy of our dissertations -- which you'd better f-ing read, 'cuz there will be a quiz.
Most of you -- how hard is to understand when I tell you that after our little family weekend, hubby will go to Red state and I'll come home to BN state with brother-in-law. Don't you think making me explain it on the day we say goodbye for three weeks is a little mean.
Auntie -- I have a good idea that my next year isn't going to be as fun as being married -- and you are right that I'll probably get more work done... but I don't need to be reminded of it. Don't you realize that it isn't nice to make me weepy around everyone else?
Uncle who isn't exactly my uncle -- When will you realize that hubby went to grad school, not law school? For godness sakes, you can keep track of when he started well enough to ask how his first year as an attourney has been, why can't you get the fact that he's going for a PhD, not a JD?
To Angie2 and Angie3 (not their real names): please, please, please, will you marry my cousins?... they are both nice boys and I would really love to have you in the family. You are soooo welcome in our crazy clan -- and one of the best things about this weekend was getting to hang with you at the Iowa State Fair.
Brother-in-law -- do you know how sweet you really are? Taking me home, distracting me the whole way so I don't cry as we drive north from corn state -- away from hubby ---and then inviting me to dinner with your mom and brother so I don't have to spend tonight alone, the first night home?? I hope to God you find someone else besides my dead sister who can really appreciate you -- because you more than anybody deserves to have a nice life with a family of your own.