Secret message to our waiter...

Dude,

Just because we are Caucasian folks in the Red State suburbs does not mean we don't know our sushi...

1) I've been eating sushi in Red State since you were in junior-high making eyes at little Nikki across the room. I've never heard a hand roll described as, 'like an ice cream cone' -- and telling us that "most Caucasians" don't know that is crap. You really need to get out of Red State for a while.
2) I know that mock crab isn't crab meat, but whatever they use to make it taste like crab, I'm f-ing allergic to.... that's why we asked. Don't argue with me about what I can and cannot eat, believe me, my life would be easier if I could eat your whitefish-flavored-with-crab-juice, but I can't. It shouldn't be on my plate.
3) Yes, your sushi place is pretty swanky -- for Red Sate -- Have you had sushi in Minneapolis, St. Paul, Chicago and Washington DC? Their places were more or less swanky than yours, and ALL of them were better, more creative, sushi. Don't go looking down your 'I'm too cool for this 'burb nose' at me, young man.
4) Tell your sushi chef that not every roll has to have crab in it -- we picked among the stuff that sounded safe and STILL ended up with one I couldn't eat..... we'd already avoided the ones that were accurately described on your menu.
5) To tell you the truth, really sushi places don't have a whole list of Chinese dishes on their menus..... really, I can do better in my BN state suburb sushi-chain... and almost as good in the grocery store here or up there.
6) Really, we prefer one of the other Red State sushi places to your's.... you have the better atmosphere, they have the better food and much better service.