Saturday, October 18, 2008

The difference between New Kitty and Old Kitty

Stolen from the internet and adapted just a little....

EXCERPTS FROM Old Kitty's DIARY
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! Cat FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A cuddle ! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A nap MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A nap! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! Cat FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE people! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! I can see THE YARD outside! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE people! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! Cat FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! Cat FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A cuddle! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A nap MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A nap! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! Cat FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE people! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. Dad’s in the bath! My Favorite.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE other cat! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! Cat FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


EXCERPTS FROM New Kitty’s DIARY
Day number 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day number 763
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
Day number 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Day number 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day number 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day number 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, escape and revenge will be mine......

3 comments:

Professor said...

OMG.... and I'm sure you just love this cat... is he related to Stewie the baby on Family Guy?

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

She is really the smartest cat we've lived with -- and quite entertaining in her machinations... but she does have Stewie's attitude.

Seeking Solace said...

It does sound like Stewie~

Someone gave this to me as the difference between dogs and cats. Very funny!