I can't be too specific -- but it looks like hubby will be taking a one-year job elsewhere next year. This job is kind of planned to morph into tenure track status when his dissertation is more or less done.
The job is at his undergraduate school in a city where we lived happily for many years. The department there really wants him to come -- and they keep making it a better deal for him. So good, that he really can't say no.
Of course, this puts us in an akward situation -- I have a good job, with (knock on wood) tenure at BNCC. I make pretty decent money and it will be hard to give it up. I'm also not done with my dissertation, and thus not very competitive on those merits for the three tenure track jobs that will be open next year (I've checked my sources, I taught adjunct down there while hubby finished undergrad and I finished grad classes).
My grad department pretty much said that -- even though I got NO support from them to do my coursework -- now that I'm DONE with my coursework, there is no reason for them to give me a TA position... aaak. So -- they have someone who is more likely to finish if given a lousy TA position, but they'd rather take a risk on some new kid -- nice.
I think we can use his new salary to put ourselves in pretty good financial shape --- paying off bills etc... so that in a year or two I'll be able to move down there no matter what the job situation is. I've been pretty much promised a course by his department (our fields are related) and they said that the philosophy department owes them, as they've been employing a spouse for the last three years or so...
We can also afford some airline tickets between -- or, drive if necessary... it is a 5-6 hour drive from here to there and our teaching schedules allow us decent weekend time.
I guess the thing is that I just know how much I'll miss him on a daily basis. It is nice to know that he's sleeping in the other room now, that sooner or later he'll get up and stumble out to his computer to check e-mail and that we'll have a more or less lazy Saturday together.
We've done the long-distance thing before... that time I did all the travel, as step-dad worked for an airline. I know from the person leaving side how hard it was to go --how much I just wanted to get back in my car and drive back to him once I got to the airport and how hard it was to say goodnight on the phone instead of in person --- and we were only dating at the time.
The rational side of me says that this is a good thing. My friends tell me that it is a good thing -- but, especially Dog Mom put it best, "you wish away the days until you can see him again" -- she knows, and will know that since her new hubby has to be here until December, she starts her new school on the east coast in September.
Wise Woman reported a different experience when she and her Sweet Baboo had to be separate so that she could teach... she said that, while they'd prefer to be together the being apart wasn't terrible. I marvel at the differences between her relationship and mine... she's been with SB much longer than I've been with hubby (almost as long as I've been alive! --), they can't get married (damm laws!) but probably wouldn't if they could -- they are both very independent... I know why WW is that way (hard childhoods do that to a person). Hubby and I aren't that way... sadly, it will be WW who sees me mope around the hallways next year missing hubby.
I feel kind of like a selfish-jerk being sad about this. It is great for hubby and as such great for me. It isn't like we are breaking up and he'll still be alive, just living in another town. We have good friends there as well as here -- so I know he won't be too lonely, and I'll have a support network up here. Hubby's Best Friend will be here to help with stupid shit... I'll give him an extra key to my car and to our apartment -- in case I do something dumb involving keys....
So ---- any advise? Ways to make it work? Things you've done that haven't worked etc??
If you are long-distance loving, how often do you see eachother? Do you plan to see one another and not do work -- or when you visit, do you bring work etc??
How and when do you talk / communicate when you are apart?