I've known the Red Head forever -- we were in 6th grade when we met in music class. Thus, I've also known her mother forever. The Red Head's mom is kind of like that sweet, slightly batty auntie you love to chat with while doing the Thanksgiving dinner dishes.
The following is the text of an e-mail the Red Head sent me recently quoting her mother...When you read them, imagine a "Fargo" accent and you won't be far off.
1) "What do they mean by 'Hi Def'?"
2) At Applebees upon learning they will accept a check with an ID: "Well, I need my Driver's License back, so don't forget to bring it back. Now, just so you know, my phone # is not on the check because the bank says it's safer that way."
3) When asked why she didn't just pay with a debit card like normal people: "Well, I'm not sure how much is in my account and we get paid tomorrow so I know the check will clear." When asked why it matters because she has overdraft protection: "Well, they charge so darn much if you go over your balance. I don't want to pay any fees."
4) "You know, when we drove through Texas I was so surprised that none of the men were wearing cowboy hats!"
5) "Back when 3D first came out, we had to wear these special glasses so it didn't hurt our eyes."
6) While watching "The A-Team": "Where do they take a shower and keep their stuff?"
7) "Well, I think there's room for punishment, but I think prison just takes it too far."
8) "When you get catalogs in the mail, don't put them in the recycling until you've taken out the order form and the mailing label with your name and address. Because thieves will take it, write 'change of address' on it, place an order, and you'll get charged for it."
9) Last night I was going over the shopping itinerary for Friday. I told her that we have to get "bathroom rugs that don't have hair dye on them." Without hesitation she said, "Well, that shouldn't be too hard to find."