Monday, September 17, 2007

Long distance relationships suck

The saying goodbye for two weeks doesn't seem to get easier.

I still have the urge to jump in the Jeep with him every time... it is just wrong that we aren't together most of the time.

I love teaching and most of the time I love both BNCC and the discipline of philosophy. Although, on Mondays when hubby drives back to Red State, I think that I may not love them enough.

Dammit -- one of us should have gone to law school. He's better in his field than I am in mine, so it probably should have been me. At least then we'd be able to both have jobs and live in the same state.

The realities of the job market for philosophy in Red State are such that getting hired without a top-10 program degree is next to impossible where I did my undergrad. Now, mind you that it doesn't seem to be reflected in their numbers of majors, quality of instruction OR publication rate -- but, they keep hiring essentially the same person every time -- and that person doesn't look like me. Of course, that person sees that program as their first job and often it is their ABD job -- but, it seems that is the way they like it. Sigh.

The other options are hubby's U, which would actually be ideal, but is a hard get -- or the ONE community college in the area, which would entail more sections (they do quarters), lower pay -- by a lot -- and a rare opening.... really, the last opening happened because the guy who beat me out for that job 7 or 8 years ago DIED.

The scary student-loan facts of the matter are that in order to pay them off I need to make my salary down there. But, getting a job that pays this much with an advanced degree in philosophy is kind of rough. Maybe my pal C needs an enforcer -- and maybe she'll be able to pay me enough to move...

I keep thinking about law school, but I don't want to take out more student loan debt (we are already scarily in student loan debt) and although we could probably figure out how to live without my salary for the three years I was in law school, I can't figure out how we'd be able to PAY for law school without student loans. I wonder if employees OF the law school get tuition remission? I know that they don't give it to faculty members or spouses, no matter how long you are employed there...

So, as it is, hubby makes the drive back every other weekend. I'll go down in October. He'll be back for fall break (hubby's school has a civilized week, we get two flipping days!) and we'll meet in Chicago for a conference at the end of October. I suppose if you think about the semester that way, it doesn't look that bad --

it is just hard to say goodbye.


Kate said...

I did the long distance thing for five years, and it sucked. Now, there were some things about it that were lovely -- I got to try a lot of new things, figure out my personal politics, be involved in a massive union campaign, build a relationship with my neighbors and my cat, discover what it's like to live as a woman on my own -- and sometimes I miss those things. But I really do think I appreciated them all when I had them, so I don't mind letting them go. This past year living with my husband has been truly wonderful. I hope you know how hard I am wishing in your direction that you are able to figure out a way to have the life you want and live together!

Anastasia said...

"they keep hiring essentially the same person every time -- and that person doesn't look like me."

That is so true of so many places in so many ways. also, so wrong.

long distance does suck. :(

Stanley Braganza said...

I was feeling a bit low recently and decided to type in the nature of my thorn into Google and see what happened; "Long distance relationships suck", and yours was the fourth one down the list.

I live in Macau (Hong Kong) and my darling lives in India. I get to see her about three times a year, each for about 2 or 3 weeks at a time. It hurts...a lot

You get to see your husband slightly more often, and also, you have other concerns as well to think about...all I wish to say is: cherish the time you have with him.