more on Dr. Dad out of town for research

I started a comment in the thread below, but it was getting kind of long and would probably get more involved...

I suppose one of the things that bothers me is that Dr. Dad presents these kinds of things to Dr. Mom as done deals -- without much exploration of the alternatives and more or less without her consent about timing etc. Were she to make similar decisions leaving the kids at home in his care, he'd have a fit and hire a nanny in about 20 minutes.

I also think about the way in which hubby has adjusted his academic career for me -- he only applied to one grad school, the one near my family... it is a good thing he got in and that it is a top-tier program. On the other hand, I only applied to one as well, the one that was near where he was stationed in the Air Force. He's adjusted the plan for his dissertation so that it will take him less time to complete, and thus shorten the time we'll be doing the long distance thing... (one of us needs tenure, I'm not leaving BNCC until he's at least on the tenure track down there..).

On a broader level -- what bothers me is how the academy makes demands that require someone seeking tenure to either be single/no kids or sacrifice significant amounts of time with them to get tenure. Most older academics assume that men will make that kind of sacrifice when women won't/don't/can't, thus it is harder for them to get jobs. Along with the way adjuncts are treated, this shows that the Academy, while it preaches liberalism -- it does not practice what it preaches.