I'm a dumb-ass who hasn't been paying attention in class. Please go out of your way for me, because while your class is low-priority for me, I should be your highest priority student. You see, I'm too disorganized/busy/stupid/disrespectful/cool (circle all that apply) to keep my crap together for the one remaining week of the semester. Because I see you only work 15 hours per week, I know you have nothing to do but to keep track of my crap for me. Besides, that's what other teachers have done for me all along.
Answer me ASAP, as I send time-sensitive e-mails about assignments due tomorrow at 10:30 at night.
PS - you know that if you don't coddle me, I'll call your boss. I take the school's slogans very personally, I know you want me here.