.. this is the Queen... I'm smart, but not yet smart enough to give myself a blogger account, so I'll use Mom's while shes out in the hall.
Mom's in the hall now, leaving me alone with the Minion again. You really need to make her stop doing that. The Minion is a little terror -- and I want you to get rid of him. You can keep the nice black cat -- but the one who opened the blinds this morning, knocked over the lamp and turned off Mom's CPAP machine last night must go. I suggest the trash chute -- it's quick, effective and he can't get back up.
Also, I'm reconsidering the ownership of my person. I've been giving this a lot of thought ('cuz I'm a cat and I have nothing better to do) -- and I think I may take Mom instead. You must realize by now that you have no say in this, I can change my ownership at any moment and that I can be bribed. I also know that Mom keeps the fresh cat nip in the dish cupboard and that you can get it out for me. Mom refuses to do so because that woman who cleans was here last week and she claims she wants the carpet to stay clean.
Mom says you'll be home "soon", but I don't know quite what that means -- I'm good at writing, but have no real concept of "math", "tomorrow" or any of that nonsense. Anyway, you should come home. I'll be watching for you, if only so I can begin the thorough punishment you so richly deserve.