What I just received... to paraphrase...

Hello,

I can't make it to the time you scheduled the quiz. I also can't take the quiz early or, in fact at any time in the same week as the quiz you've already scheduled. I'm sorry my schedule is so complicated, I hope we can find "common ground" for me to take my quiz.

Please note, the e-mail was both polite and well-written -- although it was all in one paragraph.

My response:
Read your syllabus. I don't give make-up quizzes, although you can re-take one quiz at the end of the semester. You may take the quiz with my other class, which meets very early in the morning on the same day you can't make it to the later class.

What I wanted to say:

So --- because it is inconvenient for you to come to class, you should a) get almost an extra WEEK to work on the material and b) I should write a new quiz for you and c) plan time to give it to you.

I think not, dip-shit.

This is hard material and school sometimes requires you to do the work AND show up for the assessment. The quiz has been on the schedule since AUGUST -- plan ahead. I'm sorry that Halloween or whatever will get in the way, but that is a decision your grown-up self will have to make.

I haven't looked at my grade book, but if my memory serves, you've already missed OR f-ed up a quiz already this semester. I hope whatever you've failed to plan for is important enough to take the 0 you'll earn if you don't make it to the quiz.