Friday, June 27, 2008

Probably the hardest thing so far...

...was telling my Mom.

My sister died at 30 -- suddenly. That was almost 7 years ago.

I don't have any other siblings. Just the word "cancer" is so scary to say, I really did dread telling her about the diagnosis. Of course, I was telling her before we knew that it hadn't spread....

Of course, after I told her Mom was wonderful. She was here for a while after my surgery and she'll be here when I need her during chemo... as a semi-retired nurse, she was very helpful. She's taken on the role of being the family nurse --- which usually entails going to Florida for a few weeks to help my grandparents or aunt with something --- not me. But, she's also figured out how to be available but not obtrusive -- plus, she 's generally great company, so that helps.

After telling Mom, telling my Dean, my close friends and my Dissertation Supervisor was pretty easy.

It was also kind of hard to put it out to all of you -- only because I was letting the last group of people who 'knew' me before the cancer see me as a cancer patient.

That's the thing -- when I'm done with chemo, and after it works exactly like it is supposed to -- I will have survived breast cancer, but I'm not about to make that my identity. I have way too many other things to BE -- wife, daughter, professor, philosopher etc... that breast cancer survivor isn't going to be high enough on my list to make an impact.

--- and, while I want to thank y'all for your kind words and support -- the best thing I can do sometimes is to pretend I don't have breast cancer -- So, I don't want the blog to be all cancer, all the time... besides, that would be really really f-ing depressing....

4 comments:

Anastasia said...

dude, I don't see you as a cancer patient. just a friend undergoing cancer treatment.

Psych Post Doc said...

Nope, not a cancer patient. An interesting blogger who is facing a BD. ;)

So glad you have your mom during this time and that she has been a wonderful support to you.

Dr. Crazy said...

Blog whatever you want, whenever you want. If you have something about the cancer you want to blog, we're here. If you have something about the weather, we're here. And no, cancer is not who you are - it's something you're going through.

Kate said...

Like the others said. This is an important chunk of your life, and you may want to blog about it sometimes, but there are lots of other things in your life writing about and sharing.

I'm rooting for you.