a note to Martha and Cass...

-- written with the understanding that neither of them will read this :)...

Dear Martha and Cass,

As a philosopher, I've been a fan of Martha's for a long time now. When I read the short piece about both of you, I kind of fell in love with you as a couple. I especially admire the way you support one another and criticize with love.

The current academic buzz/gossip/ "news" is that Cass will be moving to Harvard and Martha will stay put at Chicago. Welcome to the long-distance academics club. When you look around, you'll see that most of us are much lower profile than you two, but the challenges are the same no matter how well-known you are. I'm in my fourth semester in the club, so I have a few thoughts about your change...

First, it really is ok to be a long-distance couple. I'm sure you've discussed it. I'm sure you have decided it is what will work for both of you. I also suspect that there are flights between Chicago and Boston, and that you'll be able to afford them :).

There are a few practical things that will make the LDR easier... unlimited long-distance on both your home and cell phones helps a lot. Also, one of you should be in charge of establishing the visit schedule... Hubby and I found that we don't like to go more than a couple of consecutive weekends apart. We also try not to have either of us out of town two weekends in a row. And, if you can arrange to meet at conferences do so... especially if you can add a few days together before or after the academic fun.

There are obvious disadvantages to long-distance love -- but, there are advantages as well. Maybe the best part about the distance comes in the reunions. There is something wonderful about the moment when your love turns from being a voice on the phone to being the real-life person in front of you. Saying goodnight in person is even sweeter when the past few nights it has been done on the phone. Vacations and breaks together are even more delicious than before - because your daily life is separate from the person you love.

So, hang in there -- it will all work out...