Long-distance relationship tips...

This is our fourth semester in a two-city academic relationship. I know many have done it longer, but I think we've done it long enough to give a few tips... just in case some of you are just figuring out that your jobs are in one place, while your love is in another...

So -- a few thoughts for you...

Keep one "home"....
One home address, one place where most of your stuff is and one place that you go to during breaks. This is the home you share, even if the other person isn't there as often as you'd like. This will keep your mail coming to the same place all the time and generally make things easier.

If at all possible, both of you should travel...
This means that your second place should be comfortable enough for two... If you can, don't leave it up to one person to do all of the travel. It is tiring and kind of unfair to expect one half of the partnership to do a lot more of the hassle. It may be the case that one of you has a cushy academic schedule and the other doesn't -- so this may not always hold, but -- all things being more or less equal, the travel burden should be shared.

Have one area code... or have free long-distance everywhere.
Phone calls are crucial -- we end up talking at least three times per day. Thanks to our crappy apartment phone /DSL service, we moved from someplace with access to free long-distance to someplace without it. This would really suck if hubby hadn't moved the Vonnage box to Red state and kept his cell phone number in BN state's area code. Now we have two home phones, and all of our four phone numbers have the BN state area code -- even though two of them ring in Red State. The nice thing is that I can pick up the phone and call hubby and not think about how much it will cost...

Figure out if it is less hassle to fly or drive...
BN state and Red State are about 6 hours apart. A direct flight is often quicker, but monopoly air makes things as uncomfortable as possible -- and they suck... so, we end up driving a lot. If it were more like 8 hours or if Red State were a major airport, we might have made a different decision -- but, as it is, it is generally easier to drive than fly.

Have some stuff in both places...
I have a bunch of clothes I only wear in Red State. This helps a lot, as I don't have to pack a suitcase every time I go to see hubby. I also have bathroom stuff in Red State -- so, I could just jump in my car and be in Red State in about 6 hours.... (hmmm, if I didn't have this paper to revise, I might do that --- I could be there by 4 am...).

Overall, remember that there are many important elements to a good relationship... supporting one another is possible in a variety of contexts, being separate isn't easy, but it can be done.