Notice...

What I will write --
"This serves as our 60 day notice for __________________ street, ___________ apartment, BNS.

Sincerely,
Us"

What I want to write...

Dear Idiot Apartment Managers,

Let me count the ways in which I won't miss you...

1) The constant notes under our door... the cat will miss them, because he ate them regularly. We won't miss them at all. although the persistent grammar and spelling errors were a source of amusement, the constant threats were not so amusing.

2) The 1970s apartment itself. Retro is one thing, this place is just old. The kitchen and bathrooms are 30 years old. The dark wood trim is icky, not nice and whoever put up those spindles in the den ought to be hung from his neck full of gold chains. For the rent you charge, you should remodel -- really.... putting in a ceiling fan and replacing a dishwasher really aren't sufficient changes to warrant your high rent. Our new place is an extra 100.00 per month, is much nicer and includes AC in the rent. You can and should do better.

3) The 'maintenece man' J. J is a blooming idiot and an embarassing hick. J isn't a good-looking, but he constantly works without his shirt on in public areas. I really don't want to see that, nor do my guests. He breaks more than he fixes and once wanted to bring a live pigeon into our apartment and down the hall, down three flights of stairs (or in the elevator, which would have been a hoot) to his car. We stopped him, a we were sure we'd end up living with the pigeon in our apartment, and you only allow two pets.

4) Your overall lack of ability to plan or complete a project on time. Last summer it was new siding -- we lived all summer in an occasional and unpredictable construction zone. Working from home is hell when someone is clomping on your roof and ripping boards from the outside walls of your apartment. This summer you dug up the front parking lot without a permit. An inspector came by and stopped work... now we have mud and gravel there -- and our guests have to park in back and come around front to be buzzed in. My guests are healthy and the most frequent one has keys (hi Brain :), so it isn't a huge issue for us -- but there are plenty of old and handicapped people in our building who are limited and I'm sure their friends are having a hard time because y'all are idiots.

5) The idiots in the office -- between the ding-a-ling who answers the phone and the apartment manager who doesn't return phone calls, y'all are about worthless. The only good one of the lot is the caretaker -- FYI, she should be managing both buildings.... she's a keeper, the rest of the staff shoul be fired.

So -- we, like the rest of your good tenants, are out of here! You can kiss my butt..

F-you,
Us

ps, we've had an illegal cat for 5 years and you never noticed. HA!